Groans On Third


Dear Anonymous Gourmet Marketplace in West Los Angeles,

Hi. I hope this letter finds you and your store well.

I’m writing to let you know that I really like your deli. I mean I really, really enjoy it. Your interior reminds me of something in Europe, your prepared foods are delicious, your cheese selection is rather nice for being such a small location, and your bakery is pretty tasty. In fact, it’s tasty enough for me to drive up from Long Beach to sample your cupcakes, which were rated “Best In LA” by a local publication.

I must admit that they are delicious. We actually bought quite a few so that we could taste all your varieties.

However, I do think they may be even better if you remember to remove all sharp, small wooden objects from your cupcakes that could lodge themselves into a patron’s gums. Blood and chocolate, while I’m sure may satisfy a gourmand vampire’s desire, really don’t mix too well in my mouth.

Hey, I’m in the food business. I know how these things can happen. And I’ll definitely visit you again.

But still.


In the meantime I’m sticking with Sprinkles for all my cupcake needs. They have yet to cause me oral injury.





  1. says

    how cool would it have been if you’d found a toothpick AND a penny AND a dime in ONE cupcake? it would’ve almost been like the fete des rois straight up in the lbc.

  2. says

    WOWch!!! what exactly *is* that??? i suppose it could have been a toothpick in a previous incarnation, but it looks much more like a razor sharp splinter from a 2×4, or perhaps some sort of rogue tree branch… that i suppose just sort of fell into the batter whilst it was being created alfresco on a clear day.

    i sincerely hope you hobbled back into the anonymous diner, blood and spittle frothing and dribbling from the corners of your mouth. and if you didn’t, perhaps you should stage a reenactment of this particular incident for the purposes of learnin’ them toothpick fools a damned lesson.

  3. Mia says

    Ouchie-wa-wa and Gross!! I know where you’re talking about though and it is pretty damn yummmy, if a little overpriced even for LA. You should complain and get free yummies for life and then you should spread the wealth.

  4. says

    Oh, no! How did that get there? That was indeed so clumsy of them. They ought to check the hygiene, food & safety in their cupcake making. That could have done a very serious damage.

    They’re lucky you are so forgiving. Still, i reckon, since you don’t mind going back there again, they should at least give you some cupcake freebies to compensate?

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