Things I’d Like To See in 2007

Idliketosee

Consider it a wish list, if you will. I don’t anticipate any of these
happening immediately, but hey, this is my wish list and I can dream if I want to,
dream if I want to.  Here’s to a very happy, healthy and delicious 2007
to each and everyone!

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1. David Lebovitz’ guide to Paris — in book form!

You know him,
you love him. I idolize him. But not just for his culinary experience
and skills as a cookbook author. Over the past year David has given us
incredible insight about being an American living in Paris. His entries
are hilarious, eye-opening, filled with stories of bureaucratic red
tape and lessons about patience, paperwork and food (including the
occasional foot shaving and accidental hair removal tales). I know
we’re all eagerly anticipating his newest cookbook in the spring, but
for the record let me say that I’d be the first person lining up for 72
hours outside a bookstore, unbathed and dressed in trash bags just
waiting for my copy.

Please David, please?

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2. Rachael Ray enters a convent, never to be seen or heard from again.

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Oh stop your boos and hisses, you know you secretly wish it too.

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3. Books from Melissa and Bea

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Blogs are wonderful. They inform, they
engage, they entertain. However, you can’t put a blog on a shelf, wrap
it and mail it as a gift, or make notes and carry it with you for
years. That’s why I’d like to see books from my two favorites, Melissa
of Traveler’s Lunchbox and Bea from La Tartine Gourmande.  What they do transcends the
every day food blog.  It’s hard to curl up with a lap top and cup of
tea when I read their latest entries, which is why I think they need
books immediately.

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4. Extreme Local eating challenges – cuz piety rocks, y’all!!!

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It’s my hope
that the eating local challenge will cause a rash of foodies to lose
their minds and attempt to outdo each other by only eating within a
200-yard radius, then immediately blog about it to feel good about
themselves and the environment. Do I hear a 100 foot radius, anyone?
Anyone?

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5. Cities will pay attention to more important pressing matters than banning certain foods.

I
don’t think a municipal ban on something like trans fats is a bad thing
exactly, as we could do without them entirely. But cities banning foods
like foie gras is just plain silly and a waste of time, energy and
money. It’s so obvious to state it here, but I’d really like to see
city councils and certain politicians go back to doing what they were
hired to do and leave the food to the professionals. If you’re so
concerned with health and the welfare of all living creatures, limit
the number of fast food places we have and pour money into education.
Now that’s a start.

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6. Sandra Lee goes away.

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7. Cupcakes go on vacation. For a very, very, very long time.

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I know the trend
is over, but it still trickles in here and there. I love cupcakes. I
mean I LOVE CUPCAKES. But if I photograph another one or eat one more
I’ll pull out what little hair I have. Let them go on vacation until
2010 or so. My eyes (and waist) will thank you.

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8. Regina Schrambling says something nice and sweet about someone.

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9. My 2nd attempt at cooking Barbacoa is met with success.

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This past spring
I had a great idea – try to cook barbacoa de cabeza in my backyard.
It’s a traditional Mexican method of wrapping a seasoned cow head in
burlap, cooking it in the ground overnight and uncovering some of the
most tender, succulent meat you’ve ever tasted. But it didn’t work. The fire-that-you-can’t-see-or-monitor burned out. And
it took me 2 days to dig a hole in the ground. And cleaning a 30 pound
head is gruesome (thanks, Adam!) And my back still hurts from digging. And trying to
find a reputable cow’s head ain’t easy. Did I mention it’s gruesome?
All of a sudden harvesting my own snails seems easy.

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10. No one in the world goes hungry. Ever again.

Being a part of this month’s Menu for Hope III meant so much to me. We raised a significant amount of money to feed people, but so much more can be done. The irony is that we’re up to our eyeballs in more food than we could ever possibly eat while so many go to bed hungry. Even in my own country. I vow to do more to help others in the coming year, and I’m already looking forward to the next Menu of Hope and it’s my wish that we’ll outdo ourselves yet again.

Happy new year, friends!

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A note: Folks, no hate mail, please. This is all meant in fun and it’s satire,
I’d never want anyone to disappear under mysterious circumstances.
Ever. But I meant what I said about David, Bea and Melissa. Sure did.

Comments

  1. says

    Actually, your whole list works for me! Well, OK, #9 is a bit personal…but the rest? Wonderful. And #10 is best. Happy holidays!

  2. says

    This actually should earn some kind of foodie award for the best post of the year. Funny, very funny, intelligent and ironic. But then, you’re always so great Matt ;-))
    ps: Have great holidays, and a heppy New Year too!

  3. says

    Ah, but a Matt Bites book is definitely on my wish list! (along side books from David, Bea & Melissa, of course!!!)

    -L

  4. says

    Regina Schrambling has said nice things to me, on more than one occasion.

    No shit!

    : D

    Now I want to see everyone’s 2007 wish list. Let’s start with Bourdain stopping smoking before his bambino arrives.

  5. says

    Ah Matt, you are *so* funny! Needless to say that I just love your imagination and writing. I could not agree more with Sigrid! And of course, I feel SO flattered! MERCI for your kind words! I definitely would love to keep you entertained as you sit cozily in an armchair with a cup of tea! What a nice set of choices!

  6. says

    Matt: I came to your site expecting to see a nice family photo of you and Adam for Christmas.

    But instead, I find a picture of you, a hole, and a shovel. Is there something you’re not telling us?

    Would love to write about Paris, as long as you’d come and take photos.

    And now that Adam’s out of the picture, so to speak, what’s stopping you?

  7. Sil (Bs As) says

    Great, as usual… even though the “barbacoa de cabeza” sounds weird… sure you meant a “cow” head?

  8. Sil (Bs As) says

    Great, as usual… even though the “barbacoa de cabeza” sounds weird… sure you meant a “cow” head?

  9. says

    Great list. #2 and #6 have particular resonance.

    Please tell when you start digging your barbacoa pit – I’ll be stalking outside your “estate” with a package of fresh tortillas in one hand, and 6-pack of Portland micro-brew in the other.

  10. says

    I agree with everything ‘cept the cupcakes thing, since the local purveyor of who do I have to kill to get more of these cupcakes is moving into my neighborhood Feb. 2nd.

    Also, every year for the past 80 or so, my family’s done a pit bbq (we’ve done everything from moose to beef to lamb to a suckling pig over the 27 years I’ve been there). As an Official Pit Tender, I can give you some tips if’n you want.

  11. says

    as a french reader, i don’t have any idea of who are rachael ray & sandra lee.. but i do know that this is the funniest post i’ve ever read!
    keep digging
    happy 2007

  12. says

    A book, huh? Quite a tall order! Tell you what – you come up with a publisher and then we’ll talk… ;)

    But seriously, I have to agree with just about everything on this list – including your success with barbacoa since I want to see a whole post about it! Oh, and as for cupcakes, I’m not sure – they never did make it to Scotland.

    A Happy, Happy New Year to you both!

  13. says

    OMG, where has this blog been all my life? I clicked the dirty bird link on Cook and Eat & here you are!

    In my not-so-distant past, I was a seriously underpaid but successful professional poet who got wrangled into the food & wine biz. So I decided to translate my writing addiction to blogging. BUT YOU, my friend, have set new standards for me… I’m inspired.

    How in the heck have you made a typepad site look so good & where did you get such fabulous wit? Keep having fun with it & making us foodies laugh.

    Signed, A New Fan
    Catherine

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