Delicious Conversations: Cooking With Someone You Love

This post is part of an ongoing discussion sponsored by San Pellegrino and their “delicious conversations” series as seen through the lens of food. I chose to participate because the idea of delicious moments with friends and family and food conversations that generate chatter interest me. Plus I was able to pick the topic and interview some of my favorite people. For my first post I’ve decided to write about something I hold close and dear – cooking with someone you love.


As a guy who has always known his way around a kitchen and been comfortable cooking at an early age, I’ve always known importance of cooking for myself. Spending my early 20’s in Chicago and then San Francisco, I didn’t always have the means to dine out daily and found the simple act of cooking for myself or roommates necessary. Soon the necessity became a pleasure as my access to stellar ingredients and unique global flavors incorporated themselves into my cooking.  I felt like a whole new world opened up to me, thanks much in part to the abundance of California fruits and vegetables and the numerous farmers’ markets practically in my backyard.

No matter how enjoyable I found cooking for myself, it really wasn’t until I hitched up with my better half and found myself with more space and resources (who says getting old always has to suck?) as well as the ability to step back and take my time with cooking. While this may seem like a luxury (All! That! Time! To! Cook!), it wasn’t necessarily so; it was a mandate, a requirement that bettered my relationship, my palate and my pocketbook – not to mention my soul.

So what is it specifically about cooking with someone you love that I, well, love? For starters, togetherness. In an era where we spend time commuting and computing (neither with much actual face time, I’ll add), being in the kitchen together unites us emotionally and physically. Hey, we have to eat, we have to cook, why not do it together? And as any cook will tell you, there are those moments where you’re so focused on the food that it’s easy to let the stress of the day take a backseat for just a moment. In our case, cooking means music & wine (sometimes more wine than music, if I’m being honest), and the act of putting food on the table isn’t a chore as much as a moment of therapy and reflection.

When we are in the kitchen together it just feels right. We file into our respective roles: me doing prep, clean-up and side dishes, the food stylist doing the main. However, if we’re talking pizza or grilling I usually step up to the plate, leaving more nuanced things like the precise world of baking to someone who actually reads measurements. Don’t look at me.

All in all, we have our routine. It works and usually yields some delicious results. But don’t assume all is glittery and happy in Kitchenville; we still have our disagreements but remarkably they never happen when we’re cooking together. Thank goodness considering there are fires and knives, that’s all I’m sayin’.

I decided to ask my neighbors, the lovely Wade and Brittany (that’s them up above), what it’s like when they cook together. As some of our most dearest friends, we’ve bonded over meals, cooked together, dined out, gabbed over ingredients and forged a wonderful friendship with two super cool peeps. I knew they cooked together several nights a week, but I wanted to find out why.

“Because we have to and our place is really small!” Wade said. “And also because we enjoy spending time together. He loves to cook, I love to eat” added Brittany, zeroing in on exactly what motivates me to cook with my partner. I imagine it’s also what motivates others.

“I cook every day,” he says,  “and because I’m health conscious and it’s hard to eat out everyday. And also I can use fresh ingredients. You can go out and spend lots of money on a meal that can disappoint. I can cook much better than many of the meals I’ll eat in a restaurant. But when we cook together, well, it’s beneficial because we both share a love of healthy eating and spending time together.”

I asked them if there’s a certain flow when they are in the kitchen together, and after a Lucille Ball joke made by Wade and a slap on his arm from his wife, I learned that they have certain tasks but that it all depends on the meal.

While a quick glimpse into their world showed me how similar we are, I decided to call in the big guns – my parents – who are celebrating 50 years of marriage this year. As food lovers, excellent cooks and the people who taught me to cook, I knew they’d be able to provide some insight as to what they get out of cooking together.

“We are together, for one thing. And we work well together and enjoy each other’s company” my dad says while my mom echoes his words.

“Plus I get to kiss your mother whenever I feel like it,” he adds.

I sure hope cooking, living and laughing together is the recipe for a life of happiness. I’m looking forward to 50 years with Adam…and then some!

 Ok folks, so let me ask you: do you cook with your wife/husband/bf or gf/significant other? What do you get out of it? Or must you make them go far away when you’re in the zone? I’d love to know.


  1. says

    do you cook with your wife/husband/bf or gf/significant other? = No. I cook FOR them. When I met my husband in Chicago 12-13 yrs ago (we may have both been living in Chicago at the same time..I lived all over the city, and I would have loved to bump into you…how fun! but I digress…) I actually couldnt boil water. And fast forward to now, yes, I can cook. But I hate having my hubs underfoot in my kitchen. He’s all thumbs and so it’s better he just sits on the couch. He doesn’t complain :)

    Love this post!

  2. says

    Ahh Matt, such a nice post. Makes me smile. It’s not about getting old; it’s getting older and smarter! My other half does not cook at all (or even do dishes). I guess that’s what happens when you are married to a chef :). I love to cook for him. He works hard! Once, he did pick up one of my knives to try and cut something and just watching him scared me to death. I could see an emergency visit coming to stitch fingers back on. Some of my favorite memories are cooking with my mom. We were always in synch cooking together. I miss that, and miss her. Congrats to your folks! 50 is a fantastic milestone!

  3. Regina Hayes says

    When we first met, we were both expats living in Tokyo. The food was amazing, and soon we were spending it all eating out. It was so worth it. Plus we discovered that we both love to be adventurous with our taste buds.
    Another assignment. Another City. Another country. He left. I stayed. We started to cook together because we wanted to 1) spend every free minute together, and alone! 2) recreate some of the wonderful dishes we had in Tokyo, or any city we had been to, 3) therapeutic – cannot talk about work if you want to keep them fingers! 4) he has gallbladder disease. 5) I love to cook. 6) he loves to eat. Plus he dies not get gallbladder attacks w my food! Besides, his new city was London 10 yrs ago…. Before the food revolution :). Enough said.

    Fast forward 10yrs. We r still expats, missing “home” wherever we lived. We cook almost every night. His job is to chop veggies; I do the rest. We love our ritual. It’s intimate. It’s cozy. It’s healthy. And our tastes better than many restaurants we have tried.

  4. Becky says

    My boyfriend and I have been living together since September. Sunday nights often find us cooking together — he dinner for that evening and me cooking meals for us to have the rest of the week. It lets us be in each other’s space to chat, catch up, and just plain be together, while also providing for each other. As we continue to build our life together, I know these are the moments I will treasure most.

  5. Mark says

    Great post idea and nicely written. I don’t cook with my wife, our food priorities are waaaay too different – but I do think it’s a soothing and romantic way of creating more “togetherness”. Keep it up Matt!

  6. says

    Matt, thank you for this post. I often think about including my family with cooking and it is amazing how much more adventurous kids are in trying new foods if they are involved in cooking. We shall all cook together tonight and toast you!

  7. Loretta Albinson says

    Matt, you made my day! Any chance to catch a new pic of Britt and Wade is a much welcomed visual here in Florida! I also heard that the Thanksgiving feast outdid the Pilgrims and that Mom and Dad are a spectacular twosome! Jack and I don’t cook together but the man is out there right now on the roof up to his elbows in tar… NOT a good combination to come in and help me put this roasted bird together! It’s always been like that, his hands are always grimed with something you would never want to associate with food! But that’s why I love him…we may NEVER cook together but he still knows how to light a fire! Happy Holidays !

  8. says

    My boyfriend and I celebrated 5 years together this past October, and our roles have greatly reversed. I went to cooking school for fun and cooked ever meal I ate, and he was ordering pizza every night. When we moved in together after 2 years, we were awkward in the kitchen together, especially in my 500-square-foot condo, so I usually cooked for us. Earlier this year, he was laid off and now does almost all the cooking. But when we share the kitchen, it’s awesome–a dance, and a satisfyingly coordinated effort without having to exchange many words. When we have his 10-year-old daughter, cooking is always a family affair. She loves getting helping out, even doing the dirty work like dishes, and she’s more interested in food–especially healthy options.


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